Airlines aren’t the problem, people are. By focusing on these five improvements to our customer-base, we’ve become the fastest growing airline in history.
1. We do not allow children on our flights. If you’re too young to drive, you’re too young to fly.
2. Talking during the flight, except during takeoff and landing, is prohibited. This is self-explanatory and strictly enforced.
3. Loitering or hovering around the gate, prior to boarding, incurs a penalty. Unless your row has been called, you are required to sit down or stand elsewhere. If your ticket is scanned before your row has been called, the ticket is automatically canceled.
4. Only passengers with 10+ years of flying experience are permitted to fly. To prevent inefficiencies and ineptitude from proliferating, especially in the security line, we do not allow beginners.
5. Your seat’s recline position is controlled by the passenger behind you. If you would like to recline your seat, you must turn around and ask them to accommodate your request.
These simple changes catapulted us to the #1 airline in the world.